


don't call it a boy band

by TheoMiller



Category: Fantastic Four (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Music, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Brotp, FFFF17, Harvey Allen is a Dick, M/M, Music, Oblivious Reed, Tired Johnny, Tired Sue, gay lesbian solidarity, oblivious Ben
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-09
Updated: 2017-08-09
Packaged: 2018-12-13 03:56:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11751504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheoMiller/pseuds/TheoMiller
Summary: Selected scenes from the life of Ben Grimm, lead singer of Fant4stic Four. For "Fame", Fantastic Fantfourstic Fanwork Fest 2k17.





	don't call it a boy band

**Author's Note:**

> eventually i'll probably get around to adding more to this au bc i have Ideas but uhhhh. here's lesbian sue, gay ben, idiots in love, and some jokes about reed richards naming things
> 
> title because Everyone Calls It A Boy Band And Sue Gets Angry

"And here to talk about their new album, Don't Call It A Boy Band, we've got the members of the Fantastic Four here!"

"Uh, that's Fant-four-stic Four," Johnny said, setting off a ripple of laughter.

"He's never letting that one go," sighed Reed.

Ben patted him on the shoulder.

"That was your idea, wasn't it, Reed?" The interviewer asked.

"I thought it looked cool," he said. "Unfortunately, people keep pronouncing the 4, and really all I can say is how glad I am we only did the second A."

"Ffourntfourstic," said Ben, "It's got a ring to it."

"No, because then we'd have three fours in the name, and it'd just be weird," Johnny argued.

Sue pulled a face that meant she had an idea, but Ben filed that question away for later.

"So, this album was definitely still pop punk, but your sound changed significantly, I think – can any of you tell us why that is?"

"I'm afraid that's classified," said Johnny, in his deepest, most faux-serious voice. The audience laughed, without really understanding the joke.

The joke, of course, was that Harvey _fucking_ Allen had been a total asshole. He'd controlled their first album because they were amateurs and they thought he knew best. It'd taken them ages to realize he was trying to pigeonhole each member of the band: keeping Reed from being too weird, making Johnny a totally straight ladies' man, pushing Ben to be the leading man, and really just making Sue shut up unless she was singing a duet with Ben.

The past several years – during which their second album dropped, Ben's lyrics laced with none-too-subtle metaphors about the record company and Allen himself – had been spent wriggling out of their contract with Area 54 Record Co.

And then they had been sworn to secrecy, because they might've maybe blackmailed some people to get out. But hey, Allen maybe should've kept his mouth shut around the little recorder Sue carried, because his opinions on them had been loud and shitty and, at certain points, deeply illegal. Not to mention very damaging to the company if leaked.

So yeah. Classified. Or rather, under NDA.

"But no, really, top secret. So we can't tell you why our sound changed a little, but we'd love to talk to you about the how. Sue?"

"Well, like the first two albums, most of the composition was done by me and Ben – "

Ben very carefully didn't wince when this caused half the audience to _ooh_. Eventually, either he or Sue might wind up coming out, if only by virtue of dating someone less than secretly, but for now they were both not-in-the-closet-but-not-about-to-share-their-personal-business-with-the-planet.

And half the planet seemed to think they were a couple in the meantime.

"The Dream Team," said Johnny. "If Reed and I weren't best bros over here, we'd be feeling pretty left out." He slung an arm across Reed's shoulders to illustrate, and Reed rolled his eyes like he didn't spend half his time blowing shit up with Johnny on Vine.

"Anyway, Ben and I wrote this one, but we sort of… look, there's thirteen songs, right? Well, each of us took creative control over three songs, and the whole time we worked together to make a really seamless listening experience, but the steps went differently."

"Like, I'm no good with lyrics, I hated English class, none of that Wordsworth shit for me," said Johnny. "But me and Ben, we worked on the lyrics together, including the chart-topping single _Fire_ —"

"Here we go," Sue rolled her eyes.

"—shut up, Sue, and Ben, don't start—and really, getting involved beyond just, y'know, 'hey Johnny I wrote this sweet guitar solo can you play this?', it's been really rewarding."

-

"Got an idea for the next album," said Sue.

Ben snorted. "Maybe wait 'til the radio stops playing our singles from this one before you're ushering it out the door."

"It'll take another two years before we can get another out anyway, I'm just saying, it's coming together in my head."

"Oh yeah? And what is it?"

"Ivy League," she said. "But instead of Ivy, it's IV. The Roman numeral for four."

"Do we call it Four League or I-V League?"

"Yes."

He groaned and sat down on the couch beside her. "What are you working on this time, Suzie?"

"Don't call me that, you'll slip up and call me that on some interview and then I'll have to call you Benjy in revenge and then we'll be fielding every paparazzi and music reporter in the city, possibly the country."

"We do that anyway."

She twitched into a smile, and then turned to face him, curling her legs up under her. "Do you want to do something crazy?"

"How crazy?"

"The kind of crazy that if I tell Reed and Johnny they'll immediately say yes and never let it go so we have to be the barriers between them and possible self-destruction crazy."

"Being the barriers between them and possible self-destruction crazy is a Tuesday around here, Sue."

"You ever hear of 12-tone serialism?"

-

"Please stop twitching," Sue said.

"How am I supposed to stop twitching? He's doing a solo interview."

"Yes, and he's a grown man."

"He's not a grown man! He's a Reed! Last week I caught him trying to pull sweatpants on over his head because he thought it was a shirt."

"So?"

"So his head was through the crotch hole."

Johnny cackled, while Sue stifled her laughter in her fist. "I love that man," said Johnny.

The interview was starting; the typical questions about Reed naming the band were followed by how he felt about the latest critical responses to Don't Call It A Boyband, and then out of left field:

"So, you collaborated on the single Transformer, which is being called one of the top love songs of the summer."

Ben choked on his drink, and the Storms got very quiet on either side of him.

"Who called it that?" Ben asked.

"No idea," said Johnny.

"Don't lie to me, you're bad at it."

"Basically the entire internet," Johnny admitted. "It's… pretty romantic."

He jumped, rather like someone had pinched him, and Sue innocently took a sip of her water with her eyes fixed on the screen, her arm tense where it was resting between Ben's neck and the couch.

"Out of context," Johnny added hastily. "Obviously in context it's just a touching ode to friendship, societal obsession with romance, nothing to do with the lyrics being a freakin' _sonnet_ —"

"Sonnets follow a strict pattern," Sue told him.

Reed looked alarmed, but he was fielding the question, saying the song was about an old friend, but the interviewer really wanted to talk about specific lines and how _romantic_ it was to hear about the progression from pulling junk on a red wagon to riding around in a beat-up red pickup, and what the title meant, and _oh shit_.

-

"Ben, please come out of the bathroom."

"No," said Ben. He knew he sounded petulant, but Reed had just finished pulling weird faces through an entire interview about a song that the internet had decided was about an epic love story, and Ben Grimm had been in love with his best friend since fifth grade and did not need that shit to come out now.

"Benjamin Jacob Grimm, get out of that bathroom before I have Johnny come and pick the lock."

"Johnny can't pick locks, you're bluffing."

"My dad used to lock up all the junk food so Johnny wouldn't gorge himself before dinner when we were home alone."

Oh. Then Johnny could _definitely_ pick a lock.

He unlocked the door and tentatively pushed it open.

Sue was sitting on the bed. "Hiding in a hotel bathroom because you're afraid of Reed Richards catching a clue? Come on, Ben. You're better than this. Talk to me." She patted the bedspread.

He sat down beside her. "About what?"

"About why you're not holding Reed's hand right now, looking into his eyes and saying something almost as sappy as your co-written love song."

Ben found a very interesting bit of crown molding on the seam between ceiling and wall. "It's just about how far we've come since then."

"It's about growing up with your best friend and slowly realizing you want to grow old with them and can't imagine your life without them, and it's going to be a top-50 wedding song. Ben, I know you and I – we both have a long and painful history of being pushed into things, like compulsory heterosexuality—"

He laughed a little.

"—so I don't want you to feel pressured. But come on, Ben. It's Reed. He gets all distant and cold if you even imply he's in love with you."

Ben hadn't thought it was possible to feel worse. "And that's supposed to encourage me?"

"It should, since that's what he does when he's keeping a secret and you come too close to the truth."

"Or when people make him uncomfortable implying that he's in love with his completely platonic best friend!"

"No, that would get his confused squinty face, like when people ask if he's in love with me. Or the blushing and stammering when people ask about him and Johnny, which definitely means 'I've thought about it and don't want to say anything'. Ben. Come on. I'm always right, and you should always listen to me, haven't we established that? Now get out there and hold Reed's hand before I murder both of you and find a better band name for me and Johnny."

-

"And now, I'm very happy to announce, we've got a special duet cover of our song "Transformer", sung by the lovebirds themselves!"

Johnny wolf-whistled, and Ben subtly flipped him off behind Reed under the guise of putting his hand on Reed's back.

Sue passed the microphone off to Ben with a wink and stepped aside. Reed was still freaking out over letting a secondary drummer touch his Mr. Fantastic drums, but that was to be expected.

"Long way from the garage, huh?" Ben asked, low and quiet in Reed's ear.

And he watched the smile spread across Reed's face.

-

**Author's Note:**

> it's 1am
> 
> "transformer" refers to the part reed was looking for in the scrapyard, not to robots in disguise


End file.
